One day back in 2014, I went to a networking meeting in odd boots! It sums my life up at that point and Facebook threw the photo up today to remind me of my money story, it’s time to tell it!
I had a lot of financial chaos in my life. Debts had built up, I was juggling Peter to pay Paul and I felt I was standing on a cliff ledge. I was working with a coach and I was struggling to meet her monthly payments. I desperately wanted to get out of the contract but her husband who managed the finances told me that whether I continued working with her or not, I owed them $10,000 and would have to pay it. I was pretty desperate.
I take full responsibility for all of this, it was tough but I created the situation. I had committed to working with her from a place of fear. I was scared that I might go bankrupt so I invested in something I couldn’t afford on the hope that she would help me earn money quickly in my coaching business and I would pay her and thrive.
In flight, fight, freeze, I was in the freeze.
Unfortunately it didn’t happen like that. I froze and even though I earnt some money, it was never enough. Once I felt backed into a corner, all my initiative and courage seemed to escape me and the flow stopped too. I was also angry and resentful and in victim mode which is what I attracted more of. I stuck with the coach for a year, gradually paying her by borrowing more money, crazy though it seems now but I didn’t see any other way at the time. It was one of the most uncomfortable, tormented times of my life. I was tormenting myself.
I felt like a fraud
I was with her to work on my business coaching but I felt a fraud, inauthentic as I had so many challenges. I was working on them but being authentic is one of my highest values and I didn’t feel the real deal so I was struggling to offer and share about coaching so I withdrew back into the safety zone of my successful therapy business where I felt comfortable. I had frozen. In flight, fight, freeze, I was in the freeze.
And those odd boots reflected it! I threw them on that morning, flew out the door, off to another networking meeting, trying to meet my ideal clients, who had financial challenges themselves so they often told me they couldn’t afford to work with me! Sounding familiar anyone?
As I arrived in the car park late and started to walk to the venue, I felt off balance, sort of tripping over my feet. I looked down and I had two totally different boots on! One zips up, the other is pull on. One heel was half an inch, the other three inches! CRAZY!!!
I carried on to the meeting, arrived to a really lovely group of women, straight away I pointed out the elephant in the room that was my boots and the organiser gave me a hug!
Not long after this I took my life in hand, sold my house and paid off all my debts and started again. I trusted that all would be well and let go of the ledge. As soon as I surrendered, life started to unfold beautifully and I could breathe again…
A panic attack with £100,000 in the bank.
A few weeks later, house sold, I was on the sea front walking and had a panic attack.. where was the next money coming from? I had £100,000 in the bank and a home to live in. By some amazing sychronicity, my dad had gone into care the week I moved and lent me his flat, as long as I looked after Alison the cat. I was safe and secure and panicking. I was in my survival pattern.
It didn’t matter if my home was paid for or I had a lot of debt, my money mindset, my DNA about money was the same.
I needed to do some money healing and I did. I took responsibility and it wasn’t easy or comfortable but I did it, and still do now. Mindset work isn’t instant, it takes courage and commitment but it is the most worthwhile thing you can do for yourself , your family and your business, to be the person you came here to be and live your purpose.
I’m still a work in progress
I work on my money mindset daily. They say you teach what you came here to learn and this is true for me and my clients get the benefit of all my years of experience, twenty seven years running a successful therapy business and loads of mindset help!
That’s the story of the boots! Phew, glad I got that one out!
I’m happy to help with your money mindset or business. I’m kind and I don’t judge! I’m very supportive and I’ll put a hand on your back and help you sort out your money stuff!
I’m good at this, I’ve helped lots of women create wealth, get out of debt and thrive. My best work is one to one, a private space to help you move through your mucky muck and find clear water to swim in on the other side!
Let’s have a chat! info@rosemarycunningham.co.uk or 07967 121167 will find me or book a 30 minute complimentary Discovery Call here.. https://rosemarycunninghamcoaching.as.me/